Oh my god. I'm exhausted. There've been so many changes in the past five years that I feel like I've been jumping through endless hoops, and while I'm grateful for the stamina to do so, I could also use a vacation.
However, now isn't the time to kick up my feet. I've taken small breaks here and there, used them to rest and heal, and that's been good. But before me lies a long race, and the goals I have require perseverance and endurance. Releasing my writing to the world is a major part of those goals, so after quite the lengthy hiatus from regular blogging, I'm back, online, spewing the various words that spin, twirl, and whirl through my mind.
I'm also doing everything I can to get return to running on a regular basis. Ever since my back/hip injury ten-ish years ago, I haven't been able to healthfully sustain consistent training, and that has been enormous blow to someone who built her identity on being a runner. The forced down-time has required me to find out who else I am, to dig deep and value other elements of myself, and to reevaluate my definition of wholeness. Now, a decade later, my perspective has shifted and my mindset, re:running, has moved to a much healthier place, and I can run with an eye on experiencing a highly unique enjoyment that passes through the physical and into the existential. I've realized that's what I've really missed--the spirit the comes with running. As my feet flow over the earth, there's an awareness of the internal and external that melds the two into a sort of transcendental union that I have yet to experience in any other way. Of course, there are runs during which I feel like utter dog shit, and those are not uncommon, but any number of those will make the peak runs that much more worth it. And that's why I want back in.
So here I am, returning not full-circle but to the path at a farther point, having hurt and learned and grown. Time to get up. Time to write. Time to run.